


Live with the Consequences

by orphan_account



Series: Yeah I Wrote Something: Tumblr Fics [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alfie is their adopted kid, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Zachariah Being a Dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5432312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas can’t help but notice the deep circles under Dean’s eyes, the pale, drawn appearance of his face, the broken look in his eyes. Cas recognizes that look because it’s the same one that greets him every morning when he looks into the mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Live with the Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I wrote this a long time ago, and I just realized that I never posted it on here! So, here ya go!

Dean and Cas are an established couple. They’ve been together since their freshman year of college, so about seven years in all. They have an apartment together and go grocery shopping together and do their laundry together. Cas does his teaching thing at the high school while Dean does his mechanic thing at Bobby’s garage. 

And then, through some tragic turn of events, they suddenly end up with Cas’s cousin’s kid, Alfie. Alfie’s only five months old, and neither of them really know how he ended up with them. Yeah, Inaias and Cas were close growing up, but they’d lost touch lately. They’d done the catchup thing at family events, but that was it. Why the hell would Inaias leave his only kid to a cousin he hasn’t really spoken to in years? 

But he does, and now they suddenly have a kid together. But they’re actually kind of awesome at it. They still have their apartment together, but they start talking about upgrading up to an actual house. They still go grocery shopping together, but now they buy diapers and Gerber’s along with everything else. They still do their laundry together, but now they use the scent-free stuff so that Alfie doesn’t have a reaction. And little by little, mostly through trial and error, they become this amazing family unit.

Until the day it all goes to shit. A couple months after Alfie’s first birthday, Cas’s Uncle Zachariah drops in to see them and make sure that everything’s going okay with the baby. Mind you, Alfie isn’t his grandson; he’s his brother’s grandson, but Zach’s always liked sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong. He drops by while Dean’s at work, so it’s just Cas at home with Alfie. 

And as they’re sitting in the living room talking, Zach sees the framed picture of Dean and Cas from their graduation, the one where Cas is laughing while Dean kisses him on the cheek. And Zach asks, “College friend?” Because apparently he never got the memo that Cas was gay. 

Cas answers, “No, that’s my boyfriend Dean.” 

And Zach’s eyes get all buggy and he shakes his head disapprovingly. “Surely you’re not trying to raise him in a same-sex home?” 

Cas bristles a little at that but explains kindly that they’re making it work. 

“Does it, though? How do you think things will work when he gets older and is shunned because his parents are two gay men? Or when someone challenges your right to parent him because of your…life style?” Zachariah challenges, and Cas freezes, because there is no way that this douche bag is actually threatening to take his baby away, right? 

And as if he can read his mind, Zachariah says so casually that he might as well be discussing the weather, “I wonder what’s more important, Cas. Your relationship with that man or your flesh-and-blood nephew that you’ve been given the responsibility to protect and raise?” 

And by the time Zachariah leaves, Cas is in knots over it. Is his relationship with Dean something he could lose Alfie over? He tries to ignore it, but the question stays there, nagging at the back of his mind for days. But instead of talking to Dean about it, like he knows he should, he keeps it bottled up, lets it fester.

Poor Dean has no idea why Cas gets so distant and withdrawn. The only thing he can think is that Cas is losing interest and moving on. Because really, that’s the only logical explanation; Cas is finally coming to his senses and realizing that Dean isn’t good boyfriend or father material.

So when Cas finally breaks up with Dean, it’s not a surprise to the mechanic. He shouldn’t have ever expected any different. He accepts it as gracefully as he can and moves out, leaving Cas and Alfie with the spacious apartment.

And Cas, he tries to move on with life. He knows that he’ll never date or marry anyone; Dean was it for him. But he keeps reminding himself that he needs to stop being selfish and do what’s best for Alfie. It doesn’t help that Alfie keeps asking for Dee and crying for him when he wakes up in the middle of the night. It doesn’t help that Cas’s heart keeps breaking every single day and that he also spends his nights crying for his boyfriend. 

This misery drags on for days, weeks, months, until it’s completely numbed Cas from the inside out. He loves Alfie still, but he’s realized that it wasn’t just Alfie that he loved, but his whole family. His little perfect family that he’d broken up over some stupid comments from his homophobic uncle. 

Insult is only added to injury when Cas goes to another family function and Cas’s cousin Balthazar asks about Dean. When Cas tells him that Dean’s no longer in the picture, Balthazar just shakes his head and murmurs, “Boy, did Inaias get that all wrong.” 

And Cas of course asks what Inaias got wrong, and Balthazar smiles sadly. “He saw the way you and Dean were together at the family picnics and such. You know, head over heels for each other. He figured that Dean was in it for good. That’s why he chose you guys; he wanted Alfie in a solid home.” 

And Cas realizes that Dean was the reason he got Alfie at all in the first place. Inaias knew who and what they were and still chose to leave his son with them. And Cas has just been stupid and stubborn. He thinks about calling Dean and begging him to come back, but it’s been months now. Dean’s probably moved on, found someone who wasn’t saddled down with a kid. 

And then he hears through the grapevine that Dean’s father passed away quite suddenly from a heart attack. So Cas calls Dean to make sure that he’s okay. And he can tell Dean is shocked when he answers with a hoarse, “Cas?”

“Hey, Ba—Dean.” Cas greets, barely catching himself there on the name. And Cas explains that he heard about John’s passing and just wanted to make sure that Dean was okay, and Dean says that he’s fine. Then he asks, “How are _you_ doing? Is Alfie good?” 

“Yeah. Uh, he wakes up crying a lot, but other than that, everything’s fine,” Cas replies. He doesn’t talk about how Alfie still asks for Dean sometimes or how Cas still falls asleep hollow and crying every night. Instead he says something inane like, “He’s starting to wear pull-ups instead of diapers now.” 

And Dean chuckles and asks about the potty training, and they fall back into their old pattern, talking like nothing’s changed. And when it finally comes time for Cas to hang up, the time when Cas knows he should hang up, he can’t. He sits there like an idiot, listening to Dean’s even breathing on the other end like he used to do in the mornings when he woke up before him. 

“So, I guess…Ill talk to you sometime,” Cas closes, and Dean hesitates for a second before asking so quietly that Cas can barely hear him, “Uh, the funeral is on Thursday. Do you…I mean, would you…” He sighs deeply before cursing and muttering, “Never mind.” 

“I’ll be there,” Cas blurts out before he can think of all the repercussions of the decision. He knows that it’ll probably hurt like hell to see Dean, but he can’t help himself. He just needs to see him again once, maybe talk face to face, and then he’ll be fine. He’ll stop crying himself to sleep, he’ll stop moping; he’ll grow the hell up and face up to his decision. 

That Thursday, he goes to the funeral home. He gets there a little bit before the service starts and stands in the back, watching the family at the front greet guests. And Cas can’t help but notice the deep circles under Dean’s eyes, the pale, drawn appearance of his face, the broken look in his eyes. Cas recognizes that look because it’s the same one that greets him every morning when he looks into the mirror. 

And at first Cas chalks it up to the death of his father, stress from work, anything but the truth. But he can’t deny it anymore when Sam silently steps up next to him and murmurs, “It’s not just Dad’s death.” 

“What’s not?” Cas asks, trying to feign ignorance. Sam shoots him a bitch face. 

“He doesn’t sleep well, he hardly eats. By the looks of it, you’re going through the same.” 

Cas shrugs. “I made a mistake, and now I’m having to live with the consequences.” 

Sam stares at him, dumbfounded. “Live with the consequences? Cas, why not try to fix it?”

Cas shakes his head. “Sam, it’s been months; I can’t just waltz back in and expect Dean to forgive and forget.”

“At least tell Dean the reason why, please,” Sam pleads. “He deserves to know.” 

“He does know,” Cas counters, but Sam shakes his head. 

“No! Because from what you’re saying, it was your fault. But from what Dean’s saying, it was his.”

“His fault?” Cas murmurs uncertainly. “How the hell would it have been his fault?” 

“You’ll have to talk to him about that,” Sam huffs out with an impatient sigh. 

He turns away and mutters something about how they’re both idiots before heading up to find his seat for the service. Cas stays seated in the back, his eyes fixed on the back of Dean’s head throughout the funeral. He longs to be up there with him, holding his hand, whispering comfort into his ear. But he can’t. He gave up that right when he gave up Dean. 

Then when Dean stands to give the eulogy, he looks so broken and lost that Cas starts weeping for him all over again. But then Dean’s eyes meet his, and Cas can see some of the strain melt away as he offers him a small smile. Dean’s eulogy is beautiful, heartfelt. He talks about appreciating what you have when you have it, and the entire time he stares straight at Cas. 

After the funeral, Cas considers leaving without saying anything to Dean, but he can’t. He has to talk to him, just one more time. 

So he goes up to the front and waits in line with the others who aren’t going to the private burial at the cemetery. He makes sure that he’s at the end of the line so that he won’t be rushed talking to Dean. When he reaches Dean, he holds out his hand for a handshake, but Dean pulls him into a hug instead and holds him for several long seconds. And Cas can’t help it, because he’s a selfish bastard who can’t leave well enough alone. He hugs him back, his face going into Dean’s neck, his arms winding around his waist. 

And then Dean whispers, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t enough for you and Alfie.”

And Cas freezes at that, because what the actual hell? He pulls back enough to stare into Dean’s eyes and shakes his head. 

“What do you mean, not enough?” He asks incredulously, and Dean shrugs. 

“It’s okay. I get it. You need someone who can actually help you. You deserve that. It can be hard, going it alone.” 

And Cas feels like slapping both of them for being such idiots. Dean hasn’t moved on, just like Cas hasn’t. And if Cas were to guess, he’d say Dean never planned on looking for anyone else. Cas hadn’t planned to look either; he didn’t need to find anyone else because… “I already have found someone,” he admits. 

Dean stiffens, curiosity and jealousy flaring in his eyes before he’s able to hide them, but then he looks down and nods. “I’m glad. I hope things work out for you this time.” His voice is tight, regretful. 

“Oh, I’m sure they will,” Cas says as he tilts Dean’s chin up and leans in to press a firm kiss against Dean’s mouth. 

Dean seems shocked for exactly one second before his arms are sliding tighter around Cas, his hands clutching bunches of Cas’s jacket, pulling him in closer as the kiss suddenly turns desperate and hungry. 

When they finally break apart, they stay wrapped around each other and press their foreheads together, both gasping for air but still needing the physical contact. 

Cas shakes his head. “I don’t need anyone else; I need you!” He says it so emphatically that it seems to shock Dean. Dean opens his mouth to protest, but Cas shakes his head and cuts him off. “There is no one better out there for me and Alfie. I could search for years, decades even, and never find the perfect guy because I already have him! You are who we need.” 

“Then why did you break up with me?” Dean asks, his voice small and unsure. 

“Because I was worried about Alfie being taken away,” Cas admits. 

“Why would he be taken away?” Dean wonders, and Cas shakes his head, his throat thick.

“My uncle Zachariah mentioned something about some of the other family members being unhappy about Alfie being raised in a two-dad home, and I was trying to make them happy. But all I did was make us both miserable.” 

Dean smiles softly and nods, “I have been pretty miserable.” 

“So have I. Dean, I want another chance. I know that I fucked things up last time, and tha—” Cas never finishes that thought because Dean’s there kissing him again, happy and smiling and demanding and everything Cas remembers.

When Dean pulls back, he smiles softly. “We both fucked up. But I feel like if we spend the rest of our lives making up for it, we may just come out even.” 

“Yeah, I think maybe you’re right,” Cas agrees. He reaches up for another kiss before whispering, “You’re moving back in tonight.” 

“Okay,” Dean whispers back. 

“And you’re never moving back out again,” Cas follows up. He hums pensively for a moment before adding, “Unless we’re moving with you.” 

Dean grins. “That sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.”

So Dean moves back in that night. Sam doesn’t come right out and say it, but Dean figures that he and Jess are happy to have their guest bedroom back. Alfie is, of course, thrilled to have Dee back. He follows him around the apartment on his stubby little legs and won’t let Dean out of his sight. And that night, after Alfie is in bed asleep, Dean and Cas more than make up for the months apart.


End file.
